Monday, February 22, 2010

This......or That!

The final Friday of every month during the Summer season yields a very special and consistently unforgettable event at the Freak Bar. Regular rotating burlesque troupes are given temporary to make way for "America's Favorite Burlesque Gameshow", This or That!.



I was privileged enough to experience the June, July, and August episodes. While both the July and August episodes were quality, wisps of the June episode seems to have lingered the longest and left the deepest impression scar.

Clad in an incredible purple polyester suit armed with a game show style mic and smile, The Great Fredini commanded the stage accompanied by Julie Atlas Muse playing a cracked-out Vannah White packing an arsenal of the most hilarious facial expressions ever presented to an audience. The iconic 'Fisherman' warmed up the audience from behind his snare drum/cymbal kit armed with his "big hand" prop playing a 'Rod Roney' to The Great Fredini's 'Bob Barker/Richard Dawson/Chuck Barris' hybrid. Although the show is no longer aired live as it once was, it is still taped and 'commercial breaks' are taken to hawk ridiculous products/prepare the contestants. The cast is rounded out by the 'This or That Girls' (Bambi and Bunny) who would emerge from behind either curtain with either an act or to become rather personally "involved" with the contestants during the challenges.

The stage set's central piece is a typical game show wheel that when spun, lands on such phrases as 'Free Act', 'This or That', 'Buy an Act', and 'Mystery?'. "Round and round it goes; where it stops.......makes absolutely no difference." The wheel is flanked by curtains labeled "This" and "That" respectively. The audience is encouraged to weigh in with their opinion when the opportunity presents itself for the contestants to make the all important choice of "This......or That!" One of two things can happen after the choice has been made. Either a "normal" burlesque-style act will saunter out from behind the curtain.....or a "Dear Lord I am now blind and spewing blood from my burned out eye sockets" style burlesque act will slink across the stage.  Either way....the act is sure to make a lasting impression.

6 audience members (3 female and 3 male) volunteer are forcibly volunteered by their friends, or singled out by Julie and beckoned/dragged up on the the stage to compete in a preliminary contest that will result in one "lucky" volunteer from each sex gracing the stage for the remainder of the show as an 'official' This or That contestant.

The contest is quite simple in theory yet became much more complicated in practice: "You have 30 seconds each in turn to give the audience your best orgasm impression." Results of the simple command ranged from the annoying "oh I'm so embarrassed so I'll just kind of participate but mostly laugh into the mic and look at the ground" to all out "here's more about me then you ever wanted and ever will want to know" that stopped just short of fetal position thumb sucking in the corner of the stage.

One of the special guest Sideshow cast members visiting for the summer was "Seal Boy" Mat Fraser, who is an incredible performer (and drummer). Mat's a "Thalodomide Baby" born in the 60s with phocomelia of both arms. I would see him perform in various settings (sometimes seeing more of the dude than I had bargained for....yikes) throughout the rest of the summer but This or That was my first introduction to the dude. He preformed his own Burlesque Act involving the shedding of prosthetic arms.



Once the contestants have been chosen (based on audience response) and have been asked to "tell the audience something about yourself", they are sent backstage to prepare for the game. In the interim the rules of the game are eloquently explained by the illustrious host. The contestants answer questions/participate in 'Double Dare' (with a burlesque twist) style 'Physical Challenges' to accumulate 'totally worthless' This or That Dollars.

One staple of the show (kind of serving as the first "showcase showdown") involves the contestants frantically stripping in order to swap clothing with one of the This or That girls. Sometimes there was an ungodly amount of orange spray tan involved and the revealing of way more flesh then one would ever expect to see.....for better or worse.....usually worse. It was incredible to watch the contestants transform from nervous volunteers into shameless exhibitionists. But when you realize everything is in good fun and the people running the show excel at making everyone feel comfortably uncomfortable....radness obviously will ensue.

The Climax if the show culminates with the This or That "Super Showdown"in which there is some sort of food product, and it's never how much you eat, it's how "sexy" you consume said food product....with a generous amount of "assistance" from the This or That girls.

So, armed with a Coney Island Blockhead I took my seat in the bleachers that June evening not having the slightest clue of what to expect.

It was Mat's involvement during the This or That Super Showdown that burned a permanent image into my retinas. The food item of choice for the June This or That episode were ever fragrant "hard-boiled eggs". Both nearly bare audience volunteer contestants readied themselves for the start of the "Sexy Hard-Boiled Egg Eating Contest" to determine the ultimate This or That champion for the evening.

The Great Fredini gave the cue and shit was ON. They attacked the eggs with unbridled passion, aided by the This or That girls who fed hard boiled eggs to the volunteers in several.......interesting ways. Eggs were ground into the stage, flung out at the audience, placed and 'sexily' retrieved from several unique locations. The smell lingered for days. My Blockhead Beer induced pseudo bad acid trip peaked when a Speedo clad, dancing Mat Fraser graced the stage singing 'Age of Aquarius' in a lounge style as the music pumped out of the speakers and the egg orgy continued at his feet. It was by far the single most unsettling, amusing, and awesome thing I had seen up to that point, ha.

There were two more This or That performances I was able to attend during our stay but this first one was by far the most memorable (the pic below is from the August episode...Bannans were the food item of choice that month).


More to come.

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